Wondering and Wandering..
I am in the ultimate three days of my stay with the dawgs – the best four-legged friends one could ask for – and I’m so emotional. I realise this and I feel they do to, as this week my period came and it came with a heaviness that knocks when you always seem to need it least mentally. I think about the most challenging thing I ever did on my period and smh in frustration at being a female during such an ordeal. I mean sure let’s hike a freaking volcano while I lose blood and can’t seem to get enough oxygen through me quick enough. ‘Joys’ men should understand? No, cos it’s just unexplainable!
I will add that, that was THE most rewarding and defining moment of 2015 for me! I have yet to write about it as I have a corrupt external hard-drive that needs saving beforehand.. 😦
So today during the walk, I feel like I’m carrying a backpack of bricks along the steep inclines and where I usually feel most fit and fine, are suddenly weighed down with pulsing abdominal pains and the wrong kind of thoughts, creating an irregularly, out-of-breath, stressed out situation.
Of course, for the pooches they see it as an opportunity to go off and explore more while they know I won’t be calling after them anytime since my head is full of other wonderings like:
‘It doesn’t make sense.. a whole month.. this doesn’t sound good.. wtf has he done?.. I can’t believe it.. I should’ve made contact.. wait where.. but why.. something is not right.. oh man.. shiiiittt!’
After the walk this morning, which was later than usual since I couldn’t get out of bed as easy as normal – I feel too distracted and ‘behind for the day’ so I decide not to study and have a day off. I head down to town to mingle with whomever I bump into. San Marcos is a great hotspot for that community feeling and I guess all the Metaphysics students contribute with their month-long stays too. Such an eclectic, inquisitive bunch!
I bump into a dear Swiss friend who usually spends his time across the Lake and is always full of beans and laughter. Today he was laughing about the Spanish lessons he seems to not be absorbing as well as he wanted. Instead of lol-ing with him, I can’t help but feel absorbed with possibilities of knowing something has gone terribly wrong for an other friend and so I dismiss the lunch invite, slurp up my ‘Fixer’ smoothie and say ta-ta.
I feed the dogs and it starts raining so we all huddle on the bed after and listen to the sounds of workers going home, the rain getting heavier and the odd dog, barking in the distance. I speak to Orso, he always seems to reach out to me and gives me those understanding eyes. It’s magical! The best time of the day for them turns out to be the best time of the day for me too – when I lie down with them – and just be.
I sure will miss them. Miss. Missing. Missing mate. Yeah, I’m thinking he’s just not missing??! I mean, IS THIS REAL right now?!